and I feel like an idiot.. as always.. I guess you’ll never know yesterday was raining super heavily and I did not have an umbrella so I went under the rain to get my books, got myself drenched. You were at the mall, needed to cross over to . ( no places mentioned) but you couldnt because the rain was too heavy and even though you were quite a distance away, I went to look for a store that sells umbrella and I just ran over just so to shelter you from the rain over to the place you wanted to go. silly aint I? I guess people would just laugh at how stupid I am. a girl wanting to shelter a guy from the rain etc that she got herself drenched. lol sometimes I cant even understand why am I like this. times like this just shows how much I care about you and even though I know most of the times it’s probably just one sided because all you needed to do was just have sweet talks with me at the beginning when we’ve just started.. you told me you would want me 24/7 by your side, pamper me, treat me well all the time and shower me with tons of love…just those words… and I’ve always been here for you. sometimes I just dont know if Im gullible or Im just easily deceived by you or do you really mean what you’ve said back then because you no longer said such words, you’ve become rather cold to me, you don’t contact me as often anymore, you tend to disappear after evening, you no longer show that you care about me much. well, basically… everything now just shows that you probably arent interested to bother. Maybe I’m just deceiving myself thinking that you are the same and maybe I’m just stupid enough to always follow my heart and not follow what my mind thinks.
Its suffocating me. I want you so badly. I want you to myself. I want to spend my time with you. I want to but that can never happen because you belong to someone else. I can never have a place. I know all your sweet talks are just mere talks, you never actually meant them do you… Yeah I know. Because people like me are so gullible and so easy to destroy.
At times, I cant help it but to think about the future, a happy future…well, at least I’m just imagining if there weren’t any situations, just you and I being in a relationship and seeing how far it would bring us to.. Wouldn’t that be great? Well, at least for me.
Anyway, words cannot express how glad I am upon knowing you and to finally find someone I can love and loves me back. As much as the negativity people think about our relationship, I don’t really care because as long as two hearts are loyal to one another, any problem can be solved (that is if both parties are willing to) and relationships should be between two people, not involving friends or family.
I guess you can really see through my thoughts and me at times. Even when I’m smiling to you, I have this feeling that you know exactly how I feel at times even though and therefore you always ask me if I’m ok…well..I promised you to put on a smile and therefore I will despite whatever emotions or thoughts I have in my mind at that point in time. I wanna treasure every moment spent with you and if one day, shit really happens, at least we both we once shared something special..(obviously I dont want shit to happen). I believe no one, well no one can prevent themselves to go into an emotionally vulnerable state of mind when you are madly in love with a person and you just cant help thinking once in awhile whether things are going to work out eventually with this person… It’s not that you are negative or pessimistic, it’s just that when you love someone, you hope for the relationship to last as long as possible and thus…thinking about the future… That’s not being pessimistic, that’s purely dreaming and imagining what life would be if things are good till then..
Well, emotions aside. I just enjoy being around you..just wished that sometimes time would pass a lil slower, or having more hours spent with you or even…just waking up to see your face beside mine…and have breakfast together…
To love and be loved. That’s the best that could ever happened to anyone I guess.
But people like me aren’t always that lucky. Starting to believe there’s nothing special about me and that people will always leave me..nothing stays in my life.
I just wished you’ll stay, as long as two hearts are loyal to one another, nothing else matters. the thing is, i don’t even know if you are because you dont like to express your feelings so even if it changes, I wouldnt even know..but Im sure you know I am loyal to you.
Is it me or do I feel like you’re drifting away from me?
Is it because you are so busy at work nowadays?
I just dont know how you’re feeling. I know how you feel about me when you’re with me but when you’re not with me…one word text replies…or seemingly uninterested to talk just makes me feel sad. I just wanna be happy and feel happy.. Im constantly trying to chase after you nowadays, constantly trying to talk to you but it just feels like you’re different. You dont talk to me the same way anymore.. what is wrong?
I’m still the same, still concern about you, still missing you, still loving you.. but you just seemed different to me, the way you talk or replies me..
Am I just thinking too much or is it what it is?